mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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