I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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