She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
