you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
