Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
