I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
