My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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