well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
