Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
