If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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