It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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