she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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