I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
