Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
