god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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