I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
