Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
