im drinking this country out of the recession.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
