It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
