i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
