i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
