We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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