if you like me you must not know who I am
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
