So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
