i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
