honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
