she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
