so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
