she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
