Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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