Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
then he tried to convert me to islam
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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