I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
