i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
