Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
