Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
