Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
