You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
