The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
