got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
