remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Blood and glitter go together right?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
