My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
