My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
