It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
