he shaved USA in his pubs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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