I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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