K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
