i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
