dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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