in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
