I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
