I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
