I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
