So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
